A Reminder to Remember to Embrace Your Inner 3 Year Old.

I'm a big fan of Ted Talks.  I just stumbled upon this really inspiring video of Neil Pasricha titled:  "The Three A's of AWESOME".   (Neil Pasricha is author of THE BOOK OF AWESOME and THE BOOK OF EVEN MORE AWESOME) and watched it while I ate my lunch.  Along with his books, this video emphasizes being mindful and appreciative of the simple things in our everyday lives.  It explains that overall, an attitude adjustment can make a world of a difference in the enrichment of your life.  When life throws us awful news or deals us a terrible hand, there are always two choices to make.  We can either do nothing and dwell on the bad, OR, we can try to have a good attitude in order to push forward.  Watch this video.  You will be happy that you did.  ESPECIALLY if you were having a crappy day.  I promise you it will make you feel better.

Starting now, I am going to end each post with 5 things off of the top of my head that I, in this moment, appreciate, am thankful for, and make me happy.

1. Finding a man who gives me the love I know I deserve.
2. Wearing oversized hoodies
3. The way you can hear and pick out different instruments and voices when listening to music in over-the-ear headphones.
4. I get a super discounted gym membership and my gym is awesome.
5. Flannel sheets (or t-shirt sheets... those are great, too!!)

The Battle Against the Dementors Starts Now.

While Googling various things along the lines of, "How to deal with living with a negative/miserable person", I came across this depression quiz on some psychology website.  I took it.  I was curious.  I've been feeling like total crap as of lately.  Mentally.  Emotionally.  Maybe a tiny bit physically, too.  I scored a 31 on that depression quiz, which apparently meant I could be "mildly/moderately depressed".  That's when it really hit me.  I didn't want to admit it to myself that over the past couple of months I have felt somewhat lifeless.  What?  Me?  Depressed?  No way.  This is not acceptable.

I've been stuck in a rut that I wasn't quite sure I know how to get out of.  I wish there was a syllabus for life.  I mean, what do you expect?  You go to school your entire life.  All you ever know is, "If you do A, B, and C, you will succeed and proceed to the next level.  Good work, young padawan!".  Before you know it you're done with college with only a really expensive piece of paper to show for it.  Then what?  Student loan bills flood your mailbox.  That's what.

If you're anything like me, you're really great at procrastination and the thought of making an actual "adult decision" scares the piss out of you (please see last blog post on procrastination).  I'll admit it.  I'm not proud of it, but I've come to terms with it and I'm doing my best to do something about it.  I've realized that doing nothing is worse than doing literally anything.  I need to start making choices and sticking with it.  I've been too fixated on making the "best choice" for things and as a result I make none.  I've let my A.D.D. get the best of me and jump from one thought to the next instead of actually executing anything.  This applies to most things in my life.

On top of that, I'm still living at home.  I thought it would be a good idea to move back in to save some money.  Sounds good, right?  Eh, not really.  Let me explain.  My mom is miserable.  ....And she loves company.  Often times I walk in the door from work or when I come home from my boyfriend's house after not being home for a few days and am greeted with a black cloud of negativity.  I have noticed that I am letting it have a serious impact on my thoughts and how I feel.  It's hard not to, ya know?  I let her negativity get the best of me and bring me down to that miserable level.  I let the negativity vibes suck the life right out of me.  My mom is a very difficult person.  She is stubborn, has poor eating habits, smokes, never leaves the house (I mean NEVER), makes excuses for everything, and is extremely negative and vocal about it.  When I took that depression test and it gave me my results, I had a moment of realization.  I don't want to grow up and be like my mom.  I don't want my "day-to-day" to be sitting around the house and getting stuck inside my own head with only negative thoughts.  In the words of the captain from Wall-E, "I don't want to survive.  I want to live!".  I don't have plans to live here forever, it's just temporary.  I need to remember that.  My mom is NEVER going to change and I need to do a better job at just accepting that.  I realize that instead I need to change the way I respond.  This is only temporary.  It is taxing sometimes, but temporary.

Now I have to focus on my next move.  I want to get back into shape.  I've had a rough holiday season but I'm not getting anywhere by dwelling on that.  I'm going to look into getting another job that makes me feel good about life.  I think those things are a good start.

Procrastination. The thing I am best at / struggle most with.

My homepage is ZenHabits.net and for good reason.  For anyone reading this, I suggest that you visit that site if you're looking for uplifting, simplistic, yet realistic ways to handle your life.  This is an excerpt out of today's post that honestly couldn't describe my overwhelming procrastination problem better.

• Fear. Procrastination is often about fear — fear of failure, fear of success, self-doubts. But we don’t often know that this fear is even there — we just act on the fear. Fears, once we’re aware of them, can be beaten by the light of day. When we see fears out in the open, in the light, we can see they’ve been overblown in our minds. The worst-case scenario of failure is often not that bad when we really think about it.

(This Calvin and Hobbes panel is the epitome of my life)

For anyone interested, click here for the page of "Best of Zen Habits" posts.  It's a good starting point.

I told Dave to stop making fun of me for being curious.

I like asking questions. There's a lot I don't know and I'm not gunna pretend I know.

Why should I? That won't get me anywhere.

So the other day while I was feeling like total crap and spending the entire day

sitting on the couch watching Christmas movies (nothing wrong with that), I randomly decided to stray from browsing the "free" listings on Craigslist to check out what the jobs in the education field had to offer.... just at random. I wasn't expecting anything, really. Then I saw a listing posted that appeared to be promising and kind of what I've been looking for. I almost didn't apply. Honestly, I didn't think it'd do anything but I followed through with it and sent an e-mail with my cover letter, resume, and philosophy of teaching. Within 2 hours I got a call back asking me to come in for an interview the following day. REALLY? For real, that wasn't expected at all. So, today, I went on an interview and was hired on the spot.... and there were people still left to interview! I'm the shit. FYB.

Also, I just cleaned out my Gmail inbox with more than 2300 e-mails just sitting around in my inbox for no reason. Now, there are zero e-mails in my inbox. Ahhhhh, that is refreshing. It's nice to have my e-mail cleaned up 'cuz that shit was annoying. Good, great, grand, wonderful.

MTTW shout out from Lou SOIA.

This made my day.

My best friend is pretty cool.

Dave packed my lunch for me, wrote me a note, and got me a present. I am very grateful to have someone so awesome as my best friend.

No one said it was gunna be easy.

But I'm not afraid to try.

You Most Certainly Can't Roast a Marshmallow atop a Stove in Florida.

It's really the little things in life that most people take for granted that make me the most happy. Just stupid little stuff.... tonight it's that fact that I have the ability to roast a marshmallow on top of my gas stove and have the luxury of making a s'more at my convenience.

....That and kettle corn.

What an under appreciated, underrated slightly sweet, slightly salty mixture of pure delight popped to perfection.

Also, good new music on the stereo. It's nice to have something fresh to throw into my constant rotation.

Lastly, I have good friends. But that's nothing I didn't already know. And it's most certainly something that I appreciate every day.

Now that I have finished my bag of popcorn, I am going to sip on some ginger ale and find a movie to watch in the only non-muggy part of my house; my room.

Take me to bed or lose me forever.

Some random good things before bed:

-Top Gun is currently on AMC. This is one of my favorite movies of all time, other than The Princess Bride. It's raining outside and there's a nice cool breeze inside. I love the sound of the rain, it's so relaxing. Last week I was in Florida and had an awesome time. I see some of my friends there more than I see some of my friends who live here. I went swimming in the ocean and in pools. Disney World was also awesome and my brother rules for letting me use his passes for the day. I have three weeks of school left. I graduate May 13th. Then I want to backpack through Europe and explore the world. I want to visit castles and foreign places. I want to learn new things by doing and seeing, not just by reading. I save money every week so I can make this possible. It's my life and I'll do what I want.

Homemade whole wheat chocolate chip banana pancakes with strawberry butter.

As I'm sitting here eating my breakfast and listening to Frank Turner, I am thinking about how extremely happy and appreciative I am with my life: my friends, my family, the things I do, the things I see, and everything in-between. It's not perfect, but nothing ever is, nor do I want it to be. Honestly, what would be the fun in that? Every day I learn something new.... I've learned over the past year more-so than ever that I don't need some guy or anyone else for that matter to fulfill any type of "void" in my heart.... It's up to me to do that, I'm not depending on anyone else. I'm in charge of my own life and my own feelings, not other people. I know that one day someone will come along, or, heck, maybe they already have and we both just don't know it yet... we'll love each other just as much as we each love life and the things that we do.... and we'll be happy, together, not because we feel obliged to or because we're looking for someone to fill some void in our lives... but because we'll both know how to love ourselves before any sort of relationship or commitment. How can you love or be totally committed to someone or expect them to love you or make you feel some certain way if you aren't content with your own life and/or don't really know what makes you happy or what you want? I'm not in any rush; I know what I want, and I am definitely not going to settle for anything less than that. Fuck yeah, bro.

TRUTH.

Coins for Haiti.

Yesterday a 2nd grader donated her entire piggy bank full of dollar bills and coins to the people of Haiti for the earthquake relief fund at school. Thank you to selfless kids like her who give me hope for our younger generations.

I WON'T BUY INTO YOUR SHIT, I'LL JUST BELIEVE IN MY FRIENDS.

Sometimes you don't get what you wanted; you get something better.

Side note: I've been listening to a lot of the same "mellow-ish" stuff repeatedly for the past few months. I don't know why, it just seemed to fit my mood.... but I think it also made me feel relatively lifeless. I've been constantly listening to nothing but hardcore and metal for the past few days (well, despite the Christmas carols here and there to lighten the mood and Chamberlain when it's bedtime) and I am reminded of why I am so proud of who I am, the choices I make, and the people who I call my friends.

I have an awesome life.
I have awesome friends.
I can do anything I want to do.
I can be who I want to be and go and see the things I want to see.
I'm happy to be me.
And no, I didn't mean for that to rhyme.

Top of my "To Do" list:

Truth taken from the bathroom stall in Wildwood:

Never Too Old.

Susan Boyle - Britan's Got Talent

This woman makes me so happy and I think that she's completely adorable.
You're never too old or imperfect to make your dreams come true.
I think that the reason why people don't live out their dreams is because deep down, they're too afraid to even try. They make excuses for themselves as to why they don't think it'll ever work out in fear of failing. But you can't get something out of nothing and you can only be as happy as you think you are.

I think people can learn a lot from this woman.
Sometimes it really is scary to think, "Well what happens if I fail, or what happens if it doesn't work out?!".... but I think it's even scarier to think about looking back years later and saying, "Man, I regret not taking that chance when I had the opportunity".

There's always a way to make something work out. It's just a matter of persistence; of how hard you're willing to try.... and the attitude you have. If you truly believe that nothing's impossible, you'll always be able to find another way around that wall you have in front of you that's stopping you from doing what you really want to do.

Hercules

"Meg and the mighty Hercules are whisked off to Mount Olympus - now he can return home to be reunited with his family. The overjoyed Zeus explains : ‘A true hero isn’t measured by the size of his strength - but by the strength of his heart!’

This is the moment Hercules has always dreamed of, but he realizes that a life without love, even an immortal life, would be empty - and chooses to stay on earth with Meg and his friends : ‘I finally know where I belong.’"

I Love the Disney Channel.

• If you don't even try, then you'll just wonder why.
  

This Could Be Equally as Cool as Castles Are.

Poseidon Undersea Resort:
I NEED TO GO HERE AT SOME POINT IN MY LIFE.